Pioneer Day. . .

I did most of my growing up in Utah. 

In Utah today is a big day.

I grew up just assuming it was a big day everywhere.

And then I moved.

And realized that no where else recognizes this day as a big day.

The first company of Mormon pioneers, led by Brigham Young, officially entered the Valley of the Great Salt Lake on July 24, 1847. 

In all of United States History, few have suffered for their religious beliefs as did the early Latter-day Saints. Many people viewed the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with contempt, in part because of its rapid growth and in part because of its doctrine of living prophets and modern revelation.

Within a span of 17 years the early saints moved from western New York State (1830-1831), to Kirtland, Ohio (1831-1838), to Jackson County, Missouri (1831-1839) and Commerce/Nauvoo, Illinois (1839-1848) where their prophet, Joseph Smith, was murdered by a mob. 

In the middle of the winter of 1846, the Latter Day Saints once again abandoned their homes and began the long, hard trek to the Rocky Mountains.

The trek from Nauvoo, Illinois to the Salt Lake Valley was 1,297 miles. Many of the pioneers made the trek on foot while pushing handcarts that held their few meager belongings.

1 in 6 perished along the route. Despite the trials and hardships of the forced trek those early pioneers remained faithful.

During the evenings the saints would gather together and many times sang songs to remain upbeat.

Their anthem on the trek became the beloved Hymn,

Come, Come ye Saints

Come, come ye saints, no toil nor labor fear;

But with joy wend your way.

Though hard to you this journey may appear,

Grace shall be as your day.

Tis better far for us to strive our useless cares from us to drive;

Do this, and joy your hearts will swell -

All is well! All is well!

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?

Tis not so; all is right.

Why should we think to earn a great reward if we now shun the fight?

Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.

Our God will never us forsake;

And soon we'll have this tale to tell - 

All is well! All is well!

We'll find the place which God for us prepared.

Far away, in the West,

Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;

There the saints, will be blessed.

We'll make the air, with music ring.

Shout praises to our God and King;

Above the rest these words we'll tell - 

All is well! All is well!

And should we did before our journey's through,

Happy day! All is well!

We then are free from toil and sorrow too;

With the just we shall dwell!

But if our lives are spared again to see

the Saints their rest obtain,

Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell - 

All is well! All is well!

In thinking about today I was reminded of the trip we took to Utah last summer when we visited the "This is the Place Monument".

It was hot that day. Very hot. And my family made me promise that I would only make them take one picture.

When I saw this statue I knew I had found the spot I wanted our family picture taken.

This monument is called 

Journey's End

The monument reads. . .

Journey's End

Between 1856 and 1860 some 3000 members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints eagerly started their westward journey to Zion by handcart. The Pioneers who departed from Iowa City walked approximately 1300 miles, and those who departed from Florence, Nebraska walked almost as far.

Each rough hewn handcart carried around 300 pounds of their earthly possessions and provisions for their long journey, usually five people were assigned to each handcart. Hardships and trials tested the faith of the men, women and children as they pushed through heavy snow, drenching rain, and fatiguing heat.

The Pioneer's love for God and his son, Jesus Christ, inspired them to take every footstep with faith. Their hope was to gather with the early settlers in Zion where they would have religious freedome to live in peace and help build the Kingdom of God.

Upon arriving in the valley of the Great Salt Lake, these noble Pioneers were joyful and thankful that they had reached the end of their arduous journey. This monument depicts a family offering a humble prayer of gratitude.

"Journey's End" is dedicated to the Handcart Pioneers who exemplified sacrifice, courage, determination and unwavering faith.

As I reflect on those early saints and then think about my own little family I realize we really aren't that different.

Though we may not be crossing the plains. . . my little family will have it's own struggles, heartaches and trials and like those pioneers my hope is that my family can show the same sacrifice, courage, determination and unwavering faith and through it all just like the family depicted give thanks through it all.

My thoughts today on being a mom. . .

I love this picture from Mother's day this year.

I was completely overwhelmed this year and how thoughtful my kids and husband were.

All 4 kids came walking into my room holding a single rose which my husband had thoughtfully written amazing notes on how each rose represented me.

(I will not lie as I started reading them they were so amazing I thought he had copied them out a book. . . and then I got to the white rose and realized he had actually written these for me)

I have been really struggling lately with motherhood. Not that I don't love it. I do. That's the problem. It's not a problem. See this is why I have been struggling. I am struggling with my role as mother to a teenager and to a baby at the same time.  Here's my inner battle. If I am being the kind of mom I want to be to my older kids I feel like I am not being the kind of mom I want to be to my younger kiddos. And if I'm being the kind of mom I want to be to my younger kids then I am torn with feelings of guilt because I feel like I'm neglecting the needs of my older kids.

It's the little things. Like the other weekend. My 13 year old boy has the shoe size of a 10 year old, making the task of finding metal cleats nearly impossible in stores. After going to 3 local stores one night he was discouraged to say the least. I found cleats online in his size that he liked but they wouldn't be here in time for his tournament that weekend. I was given the suggestion of trying a baseball store in Folsom. I called and they had his size in the store. So Friday night before his practice in Granite Bay we headed to Folsom to pick up his shoes. It took me an hour to get to Folsom. Love traffic. I didn't plan for an hour one way in the car and with a 1 year old and a 5 year old that doesn't bode well. My baby was hungry. His bottle was gone and I had no replenishments in sight. My 5 year old was restless and tired. So I did what you do when you have a 1 year old and a 5 year old and you are in the car (with no DVD player) I put on a kids CD. The same kids CD I played for my older boys hour after hour. It calmed the 5 year old who began singing with the CD and the baby thought that was great. . . BUT. . . the 13 year old looked at me like "are you kidding me" and I couldn't argue with him. What 13 year old wants to be in a minivan with his mom listening to annoying kids sing baby songs?????

So what do I do. Either way someone is unhappy. And even typing this I get it. Someone is always going to be unhappy. I can't please everyone all the time. I know. It has all just seemed so overwhelming to me lately and don't even get me started on my house. Teenage clutter and baby clutter together make for World War III in my house. Thursday I had a "mini break down" as I call it. I just felt buried. 

Fast forward to today.

I needed today. My husband took the older boys backpacking this weekend leaving me to be mom to just my little ones. I had almost forgotten how it was to have two little ones at home all the time. And I know this may sound crazy to a lot of moms out there but I loved it today. I loved that I could carry on little kid conversations with them without having to switch gears and carry on "in between adult" conversations with my older ones. Today I talked with Kara about ryhming words and there was no one to interject their knowledge that those words that rhyme aren't really words. 

But my favorite part about today was the heat. It was 113 in our backyard today. We don't have a pool, but we do have a sprinkler and my two little ones loved that sprinkler and they also loved that their mom was running through that sprinkler with them all afternoon.

I don't have cute pictures of my two little ones running and laughing and playing, but I'll have the memory forever. It reminded me of a few things. It reminded me how fun it is to play with my kids. When I had my first child I remember my cousin giving me some advice for being a mom. . . and at the time I thought it was odd advice but I have referred to it many times through my parenting years.

She said "be a get down on the floor and sword fight mom." 

It was just so fun to play with my kids today. They didn't know that my self confidence has been tested these last few months. . . and that putting on a bathing suit was the last thing I wanted to do. . . they didn't care that I didn't look like a supermodel in my bathing suit. . . they just liked that I was in one and playing with them. We ran. We jumped. We held hands, closed our eyes and jumped. I even taught them how to sit on the sprinkler and the giggles, oh the giggles! We sat on the grass and ate popsicles and let the water wash our sticky hands and face clean.

It was exactly what this "mom" needed!

I'm so lucky to be a mom. I'm humbled at the responsibility. 

I have this little proverb written at the beginning of my journal and it is a gentle reminder of motherhood to me when I open my journal.

Reflection of a mother

I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.
I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn.
I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you.
I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.
I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.
I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you.
I can give you advice, but I cannot accept it for you.
I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.
I can advise you about friends, but cannot choose them for you.
I can tell you the facts of life, but I can't build your reputation.
I can tell you about lofty goals, but I can't achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness, but I can't force you to be gracious.
I can warn you about sins, but I cannot make you moral.
I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.
I can love you with unconditional love all of my life . . . and I will!

It's funny because I read through this a few days after Mother's Day and was reminded of the sweet letters and cards my kids made for me.

Kale's letter made my heart swell.

But, the most profound thing that day came from Kris. His simple, to the point personality came through in his letter to me. . .

That's what family does. LOVE. Whether my kids are 13 or 1. I know I won't always be able to do everything perfect but. . . 

I can love them with unconditional love all of my life . . . and I will!

Family...

On Saturday we had a day of baseball...

Kris had a game in the morning.

Kale had a double header tournament in Reno.

And to top it all off it was Little League Rivercats Day!

Somehow we pulled it all off.

Kyle took Kale to Reno.

I left the baby with a babysitter and took Kris and Kara and headed downtown to the Rivercats Game!

It was a great night!

Kris had fun in the parade of Little Leaguers!

And loved watching the big leaguers play!

 And the kiddos and I had a great time . . . 

But as the fireworks started, I got sad. Sad that the rest of my family wasn't with us.

I mean. For years this was a FAMILY tradition. With the whole FAMILY. 

And as I sat there snuggled with my two middles. . .

I was missing daddy and the two bookends (as I like to call them).

My little family is growing up.

We are getting busier. Life is happening fast for all of us.

It's one of those "disadvantages" of having kiddos so spread out.

Family activities are becoming harder to participate all together in.

I don't have regret that I didn't cherish family moments when my older kids were younger.

I cherished those moments. And I appreciated them.

So for that I am grateful.

But it doesn't make it easier to accept the fact that at times my family won't be able to all participate in everything together.

As I sat at that game watching those fireworks, I almost started crying.

You see. Our family vacation this year will be minus a family member.

Kale will be at scout camp while our family will be at the Beach House this year.

It was Kale's choice to make. I would have supported any decision he made.

After weeks of thinking about it, he came to us and told us that he knew if he didn't go to scout camp this year he would probably not be able to earn his eagle and wasn't willing to give that up.

It got me thinking about the family time we have been blessed to share these past few months.

I look at this picture on Easter and have come to the conclusion that although I can't stop life from happening I can sure enjoy little moments of life as they happen!

Kyle and I returned home from a little getaway trip (more to come on that later) the day before Easter.

Kyle thought I was crazy because as crazy as life was that night I still pulled out the eggs and created the mess to color them.

Two reasons why it was important to me. 

One...it was Kody's first Easter that he could participate in the process.

And two. . . I know my big kids are only going to get bigger and who knows how much longer they will actually want to color eggs. 

So. It was worth it. The mess. The time. The Smiles. The Fun.

And this is what it's all about!

I love this picture!

Not because it's a perfect picture.

It's not the picture you would frame and put on the wall,

but all my children are in it!

So to me it is perfect.

We had a great FAMILY day.

A fun Easter Egg Hunt...

And dinner. . . amazing!

Thanks to an amazing Grandma!

And as I sit here reminiscing on FAMILY time. . .

I am remembering this impromptu picnic at the park.

It was a Monday. A Monday without Baseball and I decided to take advantage.

My kids were in heaven.

Soda and Chips (and we weren't even camping!)

Then we had a blast on the cement slides!

And as we were driving home we realized it was right at sunset so dad surprised us and pulled over on the side of the road and we all got out and watched the sunset.

So I will keep this picture in my memory.

A time when we were all together.

Not doing anything really special except for being together!

"We had some Birthdays. . . Shout Hooray!"

Happy Birthday to my MAN!

Kyle shares a birthday with Mr. Lincoln.

The county gives all its employees Mr. Lincoln's birthday off.

So every year my husband has his birthday to do whatever he wants. . .

Usually he wants to go to lunch. . .

This year he wanted to go to the GYM. . . with ME!

I couldn't say no. . . It was his BIRTHDAY!

NEXT. . . we celebrated this little (big) girl turning 5!

All she asked for was a PURPLE PARTY, and a PINK BOOSTER SEAT!

(for the first and probably last time in her life I was able to give her everything she wanted!)

We also threw a Birthday Lunch Date with Dad in on her birthday!

And we met up with her Birthday Twin . . .

For a cupcake treat on their birthday!

Karalyn had to wait until 8:00 that night (after Scouts and Mutual) to open her presents and she waited so patiently!

Here she is opening that Booster Seat she wanted!

And she couldn't have been happier!

We also threw in a "Doc McStuffins doctor suit". . .

and. . .

a Barbie Princess with

DISNEY ON ICE TICKETS!

Purple Cake. . .check

Purple Float. . . check

Perfect Purple Day. . . check

Then. . .almost 2 weeks later. . .

these two had a PARTY!

A Princess Breakfast Tea Party!

Complete with Crafts. . .

They couldn't have been more happy!

 PRESENTS!

 And finally. . . after everyone had left the party. . .

these two (along with their mommies)

Headed out to

DISNEY ON ICE!

Perfect way to Celebrate this girl of mine turning 5!

And then. . . my baby decided to turn 1!

(Here are all those pictures of him each month with his little dog)

 He found the ribbons on his first present and wanted nothing to do with anything else!

 Even the baby book that mom put together for him. . .

But then we captured his attention with a big old box wrapped in a lot of paper!

(You know how this kid loves paper)

Then it was cake time!

At first he just dabbled. . .

Then got a little braver. . .

Until, BAM. . .

The whole face goes in the cake!

 It was all business after that!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BOY!

"We want to sing to you today. . . One year older and Wiser too! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO (ALL OF) YOU!